December: Setting Boundaries and Self-Care

Holidays and stress tend to go hand in hand. Although holidays are often expected to be all things merry and bright, the added worries and duties can cause an uptick in domestic violence situations. With the additional stressors and money-related issues, the holidays can be rather dreadful times for those in domestic violence situations. 

Oftentimes, victims of domestic violence tend to look past the issues at hand and make the most of the situation for their families during the holidays. Victims tend to experience domestic abuse around major holidays due to several factors, including: financial struggles with holiday shopping, planning for gatherings with extended families, drugs and alcohol being abused more during holiday breaks, children being home from school, or simply being home alone with their abusers during the extended holiday time frames. 

Holidays may also be stressful for children who witness their parents arguing, yelling, or being abusive to one another. Some children in domestic violence homes may actually prefer to be in school, where they feel safe, than be home with their families during the holiday season. Family relationships may also be tested during festive get-togethers. Having to deal with the brother you don’t get along with or the aunt who can’t keep her comments to herself can also cause heated situations. 

The fact of the matter is that domestic violence is probable and can affect loved ones during the holidays. There is never an excuse for domestic abuse and making poor choices, no matter how stressed out one may feel. Abuse is a choice, and it is a crime. 

If you know your stress level increases during the holidays or that it can negatively affect those you love, take steps to reduce your stress and make the best choices for your family. If hosting the family party is too stressful, elect someone else to host it this year. If finances are the issue, ask community resources for help in providing gifts for your family. If substance abuse is the issue, attempt to make steps towards abstaining from or not using substances around your family. 

Mental health can be significantly affected during the holidays, and some may find that self-medicating with substances is the best way to cope with the stressors. Although using substances does not create abuse, it lowers one's inhibitions and causes one to make poor choices. Finding ways to eliminate stress and reduce the probability of domestic abuse is essential and should be considered as the holidays approach. Try to connect with your friends and family, talk to someone if you are feeling the effects of the holidays or even the weather, and/or seasonal depression disorders. 

Ask for help from others with the holiday chores, such as wrapping, shopping, baking, and decorating, to help eliminate some of the triggers of abuse or emotional outbursts. The Advocacy Resource Center is available 24/7 to assist with domestic violence issues. The Advocacy Center staff wishes for health and prosperity, peace and love to all during this holiday season. Support can be found at (906) 632-1808. 

 This project was supported by Grant No. 15JOVW-23-GG-01601-TRIB awarded by the Office on Violence Against Women, U.S. Department of Justice. The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this publication/program/exhibition are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the U.S. Department of Justice