Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence, or Intimate Partner Violence, is about controlling someone's mind and emotions as much as hurting their body.

The following are signs that your partner exhibits intimidation or bullies, threatens, or controls you:

  • Accuses you of having an affair
  • Blames you for the abuse
  • Criticizes you
  • Tells you what to wear and how to look
  • Threatens to kill you or someone close to you
  • Throws things or punches walls when angry
  • Yells at you and makes you feel inferior  

Your partner may control you financially by doing the following:

  • Keeping cash and credit cards from you
  • Giving you an allowance and making explain every dollar you spend
  • Preventing you from working at all or at specific places 
  • Steals money from you or your friends or family
  • Will not allow you to have money for basic necessities like food and clothing

Your partner may control you by:

  • Cutting you off from family and friends
  • Makes you ask permission to see friends and family
  • Embarrasses you in front of others causing you to want to avoid others

Your partner physically abuses you:

  • Abandons you in places you don’t know
  • Attacks you with weapons or objects
  • Keeps you from eating, sleeping, or getting medical care
  • Locks you in or out of your house
  • Punches, pushes, kicks, bites, pulls hair

Your partner sexually abuses you by:

  • Forces you to have sex
  • Makes you dress in a sexual way
  • Makes you feel like you owe them sex
  • Tries to give you an STD
  • Refuses to use condoms or birth control
  • Withholds sex and affection as a punishment

Here are some signs to look for if you feel someone you know is being abused:

  • Has excuses for injuries
  • Personality changes, exhibiting low self-esteem
  • Constantly checking in with partner, asking for permission, or seeming anxious while away from partner
  • Never having money on hand
  • Overly worried about pleasing their partner
  • Skipping work, school, or social settings for no clear reason
  • Wearing clothes that don’t match the season, such as long sleeves in the summer to cover bruises

Both women and men can be victims of domestic or intimate partner violence. The signs and actions can be the same whether the abuser is a male or female. Domestic violence may be emotional, verbal, or physical.

As for the LGBTQ Community some of the signs may differ; abusers may:

  • Make excuses for abuse, for example saying, “That’s just how men are” or “You know you wanted it to happen”.
  • Telling you that police or others won’t help because of gender or orientation
  • Threatening to “out” you to family, friends, and others
  • Extreme jealousy of friends of the same sex